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The first thing is: nobody ever becomes enlightened. People become unenlightened, that is true, but nobody ever becomes enlightened. Just when one gets tired of becoming unenlightened again and again, day in, day out, year in, year out, life in, life out, then one day one says, "It is enough. I should stop becoming unenlightened." And that is the moment one is enlightened.

Enlightenment is natural, unenlightenment is something that you are doing. So nobody really ever becomes enlightened. One only discovers that "I need not do a few things which I have always been doing and which have been preventing me from seeing who I am." And this can happen in any situation. It has happened in strange situations.

Mahavira became enlightened in a very strange posture. Jainas have given it a name... they must have been hiding the truth, because their name says that he was sitting in a godohasan. Godohasan means the posture in which you milk the cow. Now, what was he doing? He was not milking a cow, certainly. He had no cow, so what was he doing in that posture? Strange fellow this Mahavira! You can understand what he was doing — I will not tell you, because if I say it all the Jainas will say I am destroying their culture. But the question is worth asking: What was he doing? One thing is certain, they cannot agree that he was milking a cow because he had dispossessed everything. Sitting naked in a godohasan, what was he doing? And he became enlightened!

People have become enlightened in all kinds of situations, because it is only a question of understanding. It can happen any moment. Yes, sitting on your toilet seat... Mahavira was a little old-fashioned. And in fact when you are sitting on the toilet seat, great thoughts arise.

So what is wrong in becoming enlightened while listening to a joke? When you are really in laughter your ego disappears; both together are not possible. That's why the egoist becomes incapable of laughing. Even if he tries, that is just an exercise of his lips, nothing more than that. How can he do such a worldly thing? so mundane, so ordinary? Laughing? — impossible.

Christians say Jesus never laughed. They cannot believe Jesus laughing, because to laugh means to be human, too human. They can believe Jesus walking on water — that's perfectly okay; Jesus raising the dead — that is really great; Jesus coming alive after crucifixion — all these stupidities can be believed in... but Jesus never laughed...

If it is true, then I will say that is the only miracle he did. But it is not true. I can say from my own experience: it is not true. It cannot be true! Even if Jesus says he never laughed, I'm not going to listen to him. Jesus and not laughing? Then who else will be able to laugh? This beautifully ridiculous existence, this whole absurd, but so beautiful life, and Jesus not laughing? I cannot believe that.
Jesus must have laughed, loved, shared jokes. They may not have been compiled — that shows the mind of the compilers — but Jesus was a very earthly man, loved eating, drinking, gossiping, because what was he doing? Every night his disciples and friends would gather and eat and drink for hours, till the late hours; only in the morning would they go to sleep. What was he doing all this time? You cannot just go on eating and drinking. You can see that this man has not eaten so much; you can look at pictures of him. If he was just eating and drinking he would look like an elephant! But he looks so proportionate; he must have been gossiping, sharing jokes, laughing. In fact, only an enlightened person can have a real sense of humor.

So there is no problem, you can become enlightened listening to a joke. And I am giving you, every day, opportunities to become enlightened. Listen to these jokes and give it a try. Who knows? Enlightenment is always unpredictable — it may happen today. But don't expect it. These are the problems with enlightenment: if you expect, you miss. Such strange conditions are attached to enlightenment: if you expect you miss, if you desire you miss. So don't expect that it is going to happen; just sit relaxed and listen to the joke. It may happen, it may not.

—
Het huwelijk tussen de bejaarde boer en zijn jonge vrouw liep niet bepaald gesmeerd, dus ging de boer naar zijn dokter om advies te vragen.

‘De volgende keer dat je op het land aan het ploegen bent en je naar je vrouw begint te verlangen,’ zei de dokter, ‘wacht dan niet tot de lunch of tot het einde van de dag, maar stop met werken en ga naar huis!’

‘Dat heb ik geprobeerd,’ zei de boer, ‘maar tegen de tijd dat ik thuis ben, ben ik zo uitgeput dat het geen zin meer heeft.’

De dokter dacht even na. ‘Neem morgenochtend, als je van huis gaat, je jachtgeweer mee. En als je zin krijgt, schiet je een keer. Dan komt ze naar je toe, naar de plek waar je aan het werk bent.’

Een paar weken later kwamen de twee mannen elkaar op straat tegen. ‘En, heeft het geholpen?’ vroeg de dokter.

‘Prima... de eerste drie dagen,’ zei de boer. ‘Maar toen begon het jachtseizoen en sindsdien heb ik haar niet meer gezien.’
—
The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice. "The next time you are down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife," said the doctor, "don't wait until lunchtime or the end of the day, but quit what you are doing and go to the house!"
"I tried that," said the farmer, "but by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out it is no use."
The doctor thought for a minute. "Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning, and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are." A few weeks later the two men met on the street. "How did it work?" asked the doctor.
"Fine... the first three days," said the farmer, "then the hunting season opened and I haven't seen her since."
—
Giuseppe, een immigrant in de Verenigde Staten, werkt zijn hele leven keihard en bereikt uiteindelijk zijn vijfenzestigste verjaardag, de leeftijd waarop hij een uitkering kan aanvragen.

Hij gaat naar het kantoor van de Social Security om zijn uitkering aan te vragen, maar wanneer hij daar aankomt, vertelt de jonge vrouw achter de balie hem dat hij zijn geboorteakte moet meenemen om zijn leeftijd te bewijzen.

Giuseppe heeft geen geboorteakte en gaat ontmoedigd naar huis. Plotseling krijgt hij een idee en haast hij zich terug naar het kantoor. Hij ziet de jonge vrouw, rent naar haar toe en trekt zijn overhemd open om zijn grijze borsthaar te laten zien.

‘U moet wel vijfenzestig zijn,’ zegt ze, ‘met al dat grijze haar op uw borst!’
Giuseppe is dolblij en haast zich naar huis om zijn vrouw te vertellen dat hij de uitkering zal krijgen.

‘Hoe-a heb-a je dat-a voor elkaar-a gekregen?’ vraagt Maria.
‘Ik heb mijn overhemd zo-a opengemaakt en haar al-a mijn grijze haar laten zien!’

‘Jij idioot-a! Je hebt het verpest-a!’ schreeuwt Maria. ‘Je had-a je broek open moeten maken en-a een arbeidsongeschiktheidsuitkering moeten aanvragen!’
—
Giuseppe, an immigrant to the United States works very hard his whole life and finally makes it to his sixty-fifth birthday when he can apply for benefits. He goes down to the Social Security office to apply, but when he gets there the girl behind the desk tells him that he must bring his birth certificate to prove his age.
He does not have a birth certificate so, dejected, he goes home. Suddenly, he gets an idea and rushes back to the office. He sees the girl, runs over to her and pulls open his shirt to display his grey hair.
'You must be sixty-five," she says, "with all that grey hair on your chest!"
Giuseppe is very pleased and rushes home to tell his wife that he will receive the benefits. "How-a did-a you get-ta it?" asks Maria.
"I opened my shirt-a like this-a and showed her all-a my grey hair!"
"You idiot-a! You blew-a it!" screams Maria. "You should-a have opened your trousers and-a applied-a for the disability pension!"
—
Een man was eregast tijdens een feestelijk diner dat de plaatselijke Rotaryclub ter ere van hem had georganiseerd. Aan het einde van de maaltijd moest hij een korte toespraak houden. Hij was behoorlijk nerveus, omdat hij niet goed was in spreken voor publiek. Daarom vroeg hij zijn vrouw om hem telkens in zijn zij te knijpen zodra hij tijdens zijn toespraak begon te stuntelen.

Meteen nadat hij zijn ijsje op had, stond hij op en begon: ‘Dames en heren, ik ben overweldigd door emoties, ik tril van ontroering van top tot teen... au!’ — Zijn vrouw had hem geknepen. Hij zweeg even en dacht na.

Toen begon hij opnieuw: ‘Eerlijk gezegd, heren, voel ik de rillingen van emotie door mijn ziel trekken... au!’ — Weer een kneepje. Hij dacht even na en vervolgde: ‘Werkelijk, heren, dit is het meest opwindende moment van mijn leven...’

Zijn vrouw kneep hem opnieuw, maar dit keer draaide hij zich naar haar toe en vroeg: ‘Wat is er, lieverd? Ik spreek de waarheid... ik zeg toch niets stoms?’

‘Het probleem,’ zei zijn vrouw, ‘is dat je gulp openstaat!’ Hij werd lijkbleek. Ze vervolgde: ‘En je ballen liggen in je ijscoupe!’
—
A man was attending a banquet held in his honor at the local Rotary Club. At the end of the supper he had to give a short speech. He was really nervous because he was not good at public speaking, so he asked his wife to pinch him every time he started bungling his speech.
Immediately after he had finished his ice cream, he got up from his chair and began, "Ladies and gentleman, I am overwhelmed, I shudder with emotion from top to bottom.... ouch!" his wife pinched him. He stopped talking and thought for a moment, then began again, "Sincerely, gentlemen, I feel emotional chills invading my soul.... ouch!" another pinch and a moment's consideration, then, "Seriously, gentlemen, this is the most thrilling time of my life...." There was another pinch from his wife, but this time he turned to her and asked, "What's wrong, honey? I'm telling the truth... I'm not saying something stupid, am I?"
"The problem is," said his wife, "that your fly is open!" He turned white and she continued, "and your balls are sitting inside your ice cream dish!"
—
Enough for today.