No, it does not mean that you are not ready to become a sannyasin, or not ready to surrender to me. You are ready, hence the question. And the question arises in everybody. It is a dangerous step, it is going into the unknown. Fear is natural, anxiety natural. One wavers.

The old seems to be comfortable – old friends, old relationships, one is settled. Now everything will be unsettled again. The mind is always afraid of unsettled states, the mind is always afraid of the unfamiliar, the mind is always afraid of the unknown. The mind is always afraid to go out of the familiar, the comfortable, the convenient.

No, you are ready, hence the question has arisen. And now you cannot escape because you will feel more and more that my friendship is more valuable than all the friendships that you have. And I will haunt you, I will not leave you alone. Wherever you are, I will follow you like a shadow. And soon the comparison will be there, either to choose the old or the new. Soon you will see the new is being born already. Now the question is either to leave me, or leave the old convenient comfortable structure. And to leave me will become more and more difficult.

Let me tell you an anecdote…

Zsa Zsa Horntoot’s husband arrived late at a country club dance and discovered that in emerging from his Rolls he had torn one knee of his trousers.
“Come into the ladies dressing room with me,” suggested his resourceful Zsa Zsa. “There isn’t a soul there and I’ll pin it up for you.” It developed, however, that the rip was too large to be pinned. A maid furnished needle and thread and was stationed at the door to keep out all and sundry, while Mr. Horntoot removed his trousers.
Suddenly a bevy of formidable matrons shoved the maid aside and demanded immediate admittance. “Quick!” Zsa Zsa commanded her mortified spouse. “Get into the closet.” She pushed him in just in time and slammed the door.
No sooner had she admitted the matrons, however, than Mr. Horntoot began screaming, “Open this door immediately!”
“But the girls are in here now,” Zsa Zsa reminded him.
“To heck with the girls,” cried Mr. Horntoot. “I’m out in the main ballroom!”

Soon you will find that…

First fall in love with me and then the choice will not be very difficult. You are ready and the fear is natural. But let me tell you a few things: first, if you really have friends and you call them old friends, they will understand you. If they cannot understand you, your change, they are not friends, they are not old friends at all. Friendship always allows space for the other to be. Otherwise the friendship is just false, it may be an acquaintance not worth bothering about.

You say, “I am afraid of becoming an outsider in my world…”

Everybody is an outsider. Howsoever you pretend, you remain an outsider. Unless one enters God, one remains an outsider in this existence. We pretend, we try to create a small oasis of relationship – friends, relatives, children, husband, wife and we try to hide behind these things. But death comes and destroys all and suddenly we are naked in our outsider-ness.

No, in this world you cannot be an insider unless you have moved into God. This world belongs to God. Only by belonging to God do you become part of this existence, otherwise not. These trees will remain strangers to you and so will the birds and the sun and the moon and the sands and the rains. Everything will remain a stranger, unless you have made a contact with the divine. With that contact, the whole quality of life changes. My suggestion is, you are an outsider already. Everybody is. By becoming a sannyasin you will be taking a few steps to become an insider.

And you say, “…particularly so as I am on my own and without a husband with whom to share this new way of life.”

Now, this is ridiculous because people come to me and they say… The wife says, “Because of the husband, he will not understand, that’s why I cannot take sannyas.” The husband comes, he says, “I want to take sannyas but because of the wife… I am not alone.” Now, you are alone, nobody to hinder you, nobody to understand or misunderstand. You say, “Now that I am on my own…” Don’t find excuses. The mind is very cunning in finding excuses and the mind is a coward.

Let me tell you a story, a beautiful story. Meditate over it…

Once there was a great king, who asked his magician to find him a courageous man for a dangerous mission. After a long search, the magician brought four men before his master. The king, wishing to choose the most courageous of the four, asked the magician to arrange a test.
The king, the magician, and the four men went to the edge of a large field, on the other side of which stood a barn. The magician gave instructions, “Each man shall have his turn. He is to walk to the barn and bring forth what is there inside.”

The first man walked across the field. Suddenly a storm came up, lightning flashed, thunder rolled, the ground shook. The man hesitated. He was frightened. As the storm increased, he fell down in fear.
The second man walked across the field. The storm grew worse, until it was a tempest. The second man passed the first man, but finally he also fell down.
The third man started with a rush and passed the other two. But the heavens opened, the ground split, and the barn itself waved and cracked. The third man fell down.

The fourth started slowly. He felt his footing. His face was white with fear. But he was more afraid of being thought afraid than of anything else. Slowly he passed the first man and he said to himself, “I’m all right – so far.” Foot by foot he went on until he had passed the second man and again he said to himself, “So far I’m all right.” Little by little he closed the gap between him and the third man, while the storm got worse. When he passed the third frightened man he said to himself, “So far I’m all right. Nothing has happened to me. I can go a little farther.” So little by little, an inch at a time now, he went toward the barn. He got there at last and just before he touched the latch he said, “So far I’m all right. I can go a little farther.” Then he put his hand on the latch.

Instantly the storm ceased, the ground was steady and the sun shone. The man was astonished. From inside the barn came a munching sound. For a moment he thought it might be a trick. Then he thought, “I’m still all right,” and opened the door. Inside he found a white horse eating oats. Nearby was a suit of white armor. The man put it on, saddled the horse, rode out to the king and the magician and said, “I am ready, Sir.”
“How do you feel?” asked the king.
“I’m all right so far,” the man said.

You are ready for sannyas. Believe me or not, you are ready for sannyas. Hence the question, hence the fear. Those who are not ready, fear never arises. Those who are ready, they start trembling because of the possibility of so many changes. You have heard me, your heart is already seduced. Now move inch by inch, slowly, but move. And you will find that as far as you go, “So far, I am all right.” You will go on finding to the very end, more and more. You will find that you are becoming an insider in this tremendously beautiful existence.

And I promise you, you will have better friendships, you will have better lovers, you will have better relationships. A man who is ready to move into the unknown, naturally moves into love because love is the stuff the universe is made of. Sannyas is nothing but learning the ways of love. God is another name for love. And sannyas is a readiness to dissolve into a loving universe. Fear is there because it is like death. Sannyas is suicide, death. The past is destroyed, but only then the new is born. When you cease to be, you allow God to be. There is no other way.

Enough for today.